Geneva’s Watches & Wonders show is the best time of year for the watch lover, with the greatest brands unveiling their latest pieces to release over the coming year. Some of these are new timepieces that you might consider buying. Others are limited-edition masterpieces you can barely afford to even dream of owning. But then there are those that you couldn’t be paid to wear; those garish, loud, tasteless, oversized metal warts that for some reason the brands decided to make.
This year proved no difference; and here are the five worst, ugliest watches at this years Watches & Wonders.
Alpina Seastrong Diver Extreme Automatic GMT
It feels harsh to pick on a relatively inexpensive watch from a small, less-known company, particularly when their product isn’t particularly offensive. However, the entry-watch scene is so competitive, and has so many fantastic options, that something as soulless as this really shouldn’t be acceptable. Their GMT is the most bland middle-class dupe of a vintage dive watch, with Tudor markings, an oversized bezel, and ugly dial, and its details are neither original, interesting, or particularly consistent. Shop elsewhere. PRICE: $2,667
TAG Heuer Monaco Split Seconds Chronograph
Unlike every other watch on this list, the Split Seconds Monaco isn’t an ugly watch. With a translucent dial, black sundials, and an elegant blend of exposed metal and red highlights, it is a significant improvement over the look of the conventional $8,000 – $12,000 Monaco. Additionally, the Split Seconds Chronograph is a fantastic movement, so for roughly $18,000 – $25,000, this would be a great watch to top the Monaco line. But that isn’t how much it costs. The Monaco has never been good value, but this takes it to another level, with an outrageous MSRP of $138,000.
Hublot Big Bang MP-11 Water Blue Sapphire
Hublot has one of the less stellar reputations in the watch world, with a business built on selling garish, oversized timepieces, powered by generic movements, to new-money millionaires for extortionate price tags. In recent years, Hublot has tried to change this by hiring teams specializing in building more complex movements and cases, with more sophisticated, unique materials — but the result is yet more garish, uninteresting watches. Their Big Bang MP-11 Blue Sapphire is the latest example of this. With a transparent, light blue sapphire case, skeletonized dial, and matching blue ‘DAY POWER RESERVE’ text right on the glass, it’s hard to ignore but you wish you could. There’s nothing interesting or clever about its design, and the great skill required to make the cases is overshadowed by the poor craftsmanship elsewhere. Just look at the unaligned screws on the bezel. PRICE: $183,061
Rolex Deepsea
Not letting Hublot have all their money, Rolex has also made a watch for the ‘affluent but tasteless’ market, by casting their enormous, chunky 44mm Deepsea in yellow gold, with a contrasting bold blue dial and bezel. If President Trump wants to cheer himself up amid his legal woes, he may consider buying one, but anyone with slightly more refined, subtle taste should give it no attention. PRICE: $52,100
Chanel J12 Automaton Caliber 6
Every year, there are new garish, signature watches, but Chanel managed to top them all without using a drop of color. The frame of the J12 is that of a generic steel sports watch, but in powder matte black; the bezel is a ring of contrasting white diamonds; and the dial shows a cartoon of the brand’s Nazi-associating founder waving a dagger-like pair of scissors. Many journalists praised it for being fun, as they did last year with Rolex’s puzzle dial; but where that was a premium but playful design, this is tacky, and looks like something you could find in a dollar store. At least it’s a limited edition. PRICE: $337,100 (estimated. Chanel has not disclosed a price)
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